so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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