well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
