He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
