Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MIDGETS
????
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
