how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
