all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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