Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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