I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
