i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
