Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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