I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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