I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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