im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
