So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
