i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
