I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize