ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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