would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
