Plan B is the new Plan A
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
