they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
