And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
