I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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