I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
