i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
