Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
