just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
