it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
