first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
