Already got asked if we're dating
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
