Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
