If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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