We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
