He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
