This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
