My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
