So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
