Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
