She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
