I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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