I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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