I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
