I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
