I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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