If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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