what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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