It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
