Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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