I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
