The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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