if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
