a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
