i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
