I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
