We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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