you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
