Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
